


A Winter's Ball

by ChloeDevanport



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Confessions, First Kiss, Flirty Marquis de Lafayette, Fluff and Angst, Gay John Laurens, Hamiltrash (Hamilton), Human Disaster Alexander Hamilton, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mom Friend Hercules Mulligan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:20:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29829675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChloeDevanport/pseuds/ChloeDevanport
Summary: 1780, it's a cold winter evening and John doesn't really feel like going to the ball in Philip Schuyler's estate. If it weren't for his best friend Alexander, for whom he feels a little more than friendship ...
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Kudos: 15





	A Winter's Ball

The candlelight flickered and only sparsely lit the small room. The wind tugged relentlessly at the window panes, behind which thousands of snowflakes were already frolicking. John twisted the white quill between his thumb and forefinger.  
The yellowish sheet of paper lay virginally in front of him, waiting to be written on with the dark blue ink. But he had already been sitting at his desk for a few minutes and still...he didn't know how to start. Of course he had thought of starting the letter as usual.

"My dear Alexander ..."

He had already wanted to dip the quill into the inkwell next to it, but suddenly these words no longer felt right. Something was resisting in him, but John wasn’t sure what.  
He chewed thoughtfully on his lower lip and looked out the window, out into the darkness in which the snowflakes danced up and down. It was certainly just after six o'clock, but the sun had already sunk behind the gray clouds two hours ago. John didn't like the winter. He was cold and biting and relentless. He preferred the summer.

Then it was warm. Warm... Without meaning to, John's thoughts slipped away and made their own way through his head until they finally came across an image that he had deliberately buried and hidden. A picture of Alexander’s brown, warm eyes that John could sink into every time he looked at him. Would his hands feel just as warm if they hugged him tightly? A hug that promised more than friendship? 

John shook his head.

No of course not. As if his silly fantasies would ever come true. Alexander would never feel that way for him, why should he? It was sick, he was sick. Something was wrong with him and yet... There were moments when that need felt right in John's chest. More than right.

As if there was no other option but to want Alexander. And John wanted him. He wanted more than just his friendship, more than the words he wrote to him... He wanted the looks Alexander gave the women on the street. That sweet promise that he could be theirs, if only for one night. But that would never happen and John knew it. Even if it was a painful truth that he'd rather not think about too much. It would probably break his heart.

Suddenly there was a knock on his door and John winced. Without waiting for a word of agreement on his part, the door opened and Alexander entered the small room. His cheeks and the tip of his nose were slightly red from the cold, and a snowflake or two were caught in his dark hair. John's heart stumbled for a few beats at the sight of it before it got back to its usual rhythm.

"A-Alex, what are you doing here?", he asked quickly to avoid an embarrassing silence. "Well, pick you up, why aren't you dressed yet?", Alexander answered and looked John up and down. His curly, brown hair hung in a tangle over his face and his white shirt was only half-buttoned.  
"Pick me up?", John replied confused and Alexander laughed. "You forgot it, didn't you Jackie?" John blushed, his cheeks burning up. Not only because he was uncomfortable that he had apparently forgotten a date with Alex, but also because of the nickname.

"Nevermind, I would've also forgotten it if Lafayette hadn't reminded me of it.", Alexander said, went to the closet, and started looking in it. “Lafayette? Okay, would you help me out, please? ”John asked and half turned in his chair. "Well, the ball.", Alex said and triumphantly held up a beige waistcoat. "The ball? Oh oh yeah I remember. ", John muttered and ran his hand through his hair.

If he was being honest, then he wasn't in the mood to go dancing right now. His thoughts had disturbed him too much.

"Exactly, so get dressed." Alexander threw the vest at him and John just barely got a hold of it. "Oh, you know...somehow I don't feel like it right now.", he sighed and slowly let the garment down.  
"What? Do you want to leave me alone with Lafayette and Hercules? ", Alexander asked, sounding almost indignant, which was now underlined by the fact that he put his hands on his hips.

"You say that like it's something bad," John replied. “Hey, I just want my best friend with me. Is that too much to ask? ” Alex smiled and it was the kind of smile that made John's knees go weak.  
He took a deep breath and then stood up. "Well, only because it's you." "Great!", Alex shouted and the smile widened. John smiled and wondered if his friend knew what power he had over him. Probably not, but the truth was that John would throw himself off a cliff to certain death for Alexander. A simple request would be enough.

That was also the reason why, less than ten minutes later, he was sitting with him in a carriage that would take them to Philip Schuyler's estate. At the thought of it, John's stomach turned. Not because he didn't like Schuyler, after all, he had never met the man before, but because he had three daughters.  
All of the marriageable age and, if you could believe the whispering, all very beautiful. And in general, such festivals served to find a good match for one's female descendants.

Alexander was not rich, but he was intelligent, and he was George Washington's right-hand man at that. Even without this ball, there would certainly be enough women who would definitely not refuse his proposal. John thrust out his lower lip in disapproval. Now he was even less thrilled.

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" The question was so unexpected that John just stuttered incoherent stuff before he was able to articulate a reasonable sentence.  
“Nothing, everything's fine.” “You sure? You look like you are thinking about something.", Alexander said. "And it seems to make you sad." John pressed his lips together involuntarily and shook his head. "No everything's fine. Please don't worry about me.” And it was the last spoken word for the rest of the carriage ride.

Which was actually quite unusual, as Alexander rarely had nothing to say. And yet he was silent that evening until they got out of the carriage in front of the Schuylers' considerable estate.

"There you are, we thought you wouldn't come anymore.", Hercules said, grinning at them and his white teeth flashing out of his dark face. "Couldn't blame you, maybe you'd rather have a private soirée?" Lafayette wiggled his eyebrows conspiratorially and while Alexander began to laugh, John wanted to sink into the ground.

He was always uncomfortable when the tall Frenchman made such jokes, but most of the time he managed to hide his discomfort. Little did Lafayette know that John would actually have preferred to spend the evening alone with Alex. But of course, he would never admit that to his friends.

"Let's go in before we catch a cold.", Alexander said and the four of them entered the brightly lit property.

It was warm inside and everything was bathed in a golden light. It smelled of candle wax and expensive perfume and, in Lafayette’s opinion, also of champagne. The small group dispersed almost instantly, as Lafayette immediately ran after some giggling ladies and Hercules followed him. Presumably to make sure the Frenchman wasn't expelled or worse.

John walked a little stiffly next to Alexander, who was already completely enchanted by the magic of this evening. There was a shimmer in his eyes that John rarely saw and somehow an aura of self-assurance and a zest for action seemed to surround him. John, however, thought it might be best for him to find the champagne Lafayette suspected and then try to survive the evening as unscathed as possible.

"Wow...just look around Jackie, this is great.", Alex said in amazement, since they had now entered the large ballroom and John smiled slightly. Alexander felt like a little child at Christmas to him. For him, who came from a wealthy family, it wasn't an unusual sight, but for Alex, who had barely had enough to eat for a day in his life, it had to look like heaven on earth.

John let his gaze wander around the room and he inevitably got stuck on three young women who seemed to be the focus of the whole thing. Of course, he'd almost forgotten about it. The Schuyler sisters. Angelica, Elizabeth, and Margarita, all of whom only called Peggy. And of course, they were all beautiful too.

John looked at the floor, everything in him screamed to disappear immediately, otherwise, he would only torment himself unnecessarily, but another voice only whispered softly. And that was the wish to just take Alexander’s hand and dance with him. A foolish wish, John knew, but still. It was a fairy tale dream. The two of them, arm in arm, floating across the floor and ignoring everyone else. John barely smiled. A fairy tale indeed.

"Hey." An elbow dug into his ribs a little rudely and John looked up. Alex had come close to him, so close that a stray strand of hair tickled his nose. "She's coming towards us.", John heard him say, but he was too confused to understand what he meant by that. But in a split second, he realized it.

Alexander spoke of Angelica Schuyler, who came up to them at that very moment. The light from the many candles made her even skin shimmer and gave her an almost angelic appearance.  
And before John could have said anything, she had hooked up with Alexander. Words of protest tried to work up John's throat, but he swallowed them again. Alex didn't belong to him, they weren't lovers, even if he had imagined that in many of his dreams.

It would be treacherous to tear him away from Angelica because then he would have to explain it and then... Alexander would realize that he was sick in the head, push him away in disgust and their friendship would be over. And John couldn't stand that.  
So he only smiled mildly when Alex threw him a surprised, but also happy look over his shoulder. Of course, it had barely been five minutes before someone else realized what an extraordinary man Alexander was.

Sighing softly, John retired to an adjoining balcony and took a deep breath of the cold air. Now his best friend would probably soon be writing lots of letters to someone else. Filled with sweet words and warm promises. But that was okay.  
John couldn't do anything about it anyway and he would rather have Alexander as a friend than not have him in his life at all. The main thing was that he was happy, that was all that mattered. At least that's what John told himself, hoping he would believe it one day. But that wouldn't happen.

John would always feel a sharp pain every time he saw Alex and his future wife. And the pain would get worse every day.

John clenched his hands together. He knew it was wrong to have such thoughts. And he also knew that it was wrong to have such selfish feelings. However, there was little he could do about it because the heart wants what it wants. And his heart wanted Alexander. More than anything else.

Something wet dripped onto the back of his hand, but it wasn't a snowflake, it was a tear. "Damn..." He shouldn't cry, it wasn't like he ever had a chance to be with Alex, and still... It just hurt so much and that's why John decided to let his tears run free.

He didn't care that the icy wind was tugging at his hair and that someone could actually have seen him. But that didn't matter. Why shouldn't he be allowed to weep over a lost love? After all, he was only human.  
He didn't know how long he stood there, he just noticed that at some point he got terribly cold and that his hands were numb. He wiped his tears away, turned, and froze. Alexander was standing less than two meters from him. The happy smile faded within a few seconds and although John felt caught, he did not resist when Alex walked quickly up to him and took his hands.

"John, what's going on?" John just shook his head, he couldn't answer, he couldn't possibly tell his best friend the truth. “No, talk to me. Please. I'm worried about you.” Alexander looked at him almost desperately and John bit his lip.

"I...I can't..." "Why? What is it that you can't tell me?", Alex asked, who was still holding his hands and apparently had no intention of letting go of them in the foreseeable future.  
"If...if I tell you you will hate me...", John replied and turned his head to the side as his eyes filled with tears again. “Jackie… I could never hate you. You should know that best.", Alexander replied mildly.

"No...I...I am ..." John's voice failed, the tears ran down his cheeks again and two strong arms wrapped around his trembling shoulders. "I know.", Alexander just said and John frowned in confusion. "W-What?", he sniffed and blinked as the tears blurred his vision. "I know.", Alex repeated and stroked John's hair. In his head, he tried to understand the meaning of these words. And then suddenly it became clear to him.

"You...you know? But… how? ” "Isn't that obvious, John? Because I feel the same way.” Alex put a few inches between the two of them so he could look his best friend in the face.

"All the letters, the furtive looks, the hints...did you really think that wasn't meant seriously?" John sniffed softly. "I thought you... I never thought it was possible that you..." "That I could love you?", Alex interrupted and John blinked at him in surprise.

“Neither do I, to be honest. But when I got to know you, it was suddenly no longer so impossible. And just when Angelica introduced me to her lovely sister, it suddenly became clear to me. "

"What do you mean?", John asked, whose brain still couldn't quite understand it. "That I love you, John Laurens." "You ..." But John didn't even get to finish his sentence, because suddenly Alexander’s soft, warm lips lay on his and it was better than John could ever have imagined.

The kiss took him by surprise, but it didn't stop John's heart from stumbling for a few seconds and then pounding wildly. And it didn't calm down when Alex pulled away from him and smiled at him.

"You did...b-but I thought ...", John stammered, completely unable to come up with a clear thought. "I looked into Elizabeth Schuyler's eyes and wished they were yours. I kissed her hand and thought that I would rather be with you at this moment.", Alex explained and put a hand on John's cheek.  
"And right now I think I really want to kiss you many more times.", he smiled and that smile finished John off.

He grabbed Alex by the waist and kissed him the way he had imagined many times before. And Alex returned the kiss. They kissed continuously for almost two minutes before John leaned his forehead against Alexander's and took a deep breath. A few seconds passed before John gasped and replied, "I love you too, Alex."

Alexander laughed softly and put his arms around John's neck. So they stood there, intertwined, in the cold winter air and nothing could have separated them at that moment.


End file.
